The Disjointed America Rant
In much of the country, people woke up this morning to see that The Republican Party will be assuming power in the Senate when the new session of Congress begins in early January. This is one thing that I could really give a fuck about. Enter Andy Rooney mode.
If you’re over the age of 20, you probably consumed a good deal of news through “traditional” means, such as by television and newspapers, and via the Internet. More and more on the latter as time has become more present, of course. Nobody really reads physical newspapers anymore, unless you’re struggling to choke down a bowl of Raisin Bran during your Days Inn continental breakfast. Really take a minute to reflect on if these news outlets have really served you well since you started becoming aware of current events, however long ago that really was. After a minute of two of pondering, you’ll likely be pretty angry at how much time you wasted in doing this. And then you’ll probably want to look for your pants, because gross.
If you’re under the age of 20, I probably don’t give much of a shit about you unless you’re family or a friend. In that case, read books and throw your iPad into a woodchipper. End of paragraph.
It was about three weeks ago, and that awful terrorist attack happened up in Ottawa. I flipped on Canadian news for the first time in a long while, and was pleased with how straightforward and non-bullshitty that their approach is. Facts from straight people, no mugging for the camera or idiotic news teases that sound like Buzzfeed headlines. They just don’t do it up there. And their maple syrup is delicious, too. Why the hell doesn’t America take this approach? There’s an answer to that. Lists!
Kidding. It’s America. We’re such untraceable amalgam of influences that have little-to-nothing to do with the actual news story that is being talked about that it is ultimately distracting as all living fuck if you have an IQ of more than 90. If you don’t, you’re likely the audience the news is going after. Just look at USA Today. There hasn’t ever been a more mild and mass-market approach to journalism, trying to appeal to the most people possible at all once. And now it costs $2.00/copy. When I was a kid, that shit was 50 cents. Suck a giant bag of dick, inflation. Literally, go do it. They’re in Aisle 7 of the CVS on your corner.
Local news is even worse. Flip on any NBC affiliate in the country now and you’ll see a mainstreamed local newscast that doesn’t differ in flavor, barely at all. The same graphics are used, and it’s almost sickening. The attitudes of the local news “talent” are the almost all the same, reeking of homogenization and dispirited approach. There are real journalists in this country, and you really have to seek them out. You just probably won’t find them on a Gannett-cast anytime soon.
So as we get older, we refine our tastes more and more. Your Internet homepage very likely isn’t the one you had just two years ago, and now you’re using Facebook Messenger instead of your AOL Buddy List. You evolve and technology wraps itself around you in different ways, that’s part of the grand adventure of being alive in today’s modern culture. Fuck, I completely just forgot my ICQ password. Again.
It’s entirely okay to have your own voice and use it at the same time. The many rights we have in this country also mean that we aren’t entirely protected from others using those rights. You might get offended. You may not appreciate all the weapons your neighbors have. You may downright hate the fact that soldiers can’t bunk with you just because they want to. But as long as you’re living in the United States, all of the experience that you will have help make new fibers that spin this big goddamn blanket that we’re all wrapped in. We’ve got to share this blanket, and most of us do. Some of us also rip a fine Dutch Oven, also.