February 5

The Energy

When it comes to the deaths of celebrities or people of notoriety, there’s really anything that hasn’t been said after about 36 hours of coverage. The media, while they are exactly who they are most of the time, well, they usually say enough of what’s on everyone’s minds and cover it from enough angles. On Tuesday night, I found myself out of words when recording the most recent episode of Mo Simpson’s excellent Eyeteeth Podcast. There wasn’t really much left to say.

Philip Seymour Hoffman died on Sunday morning in New York. He was one of my favorite actors, and will remain that way for as long as I’m around. I just loved everything he was in, and always looked forward to the next thing he was doing: movie, stage, television, or whatever. Like most everyone else who admired him, there is a sense of loss even though I didn’t really know him. It’s the same sense of loss that came up back when James Gandolfini died back in June of last year. It just sucks a whole lot. But then it gets better with each day that passes, and your energy comes back.

My energy is back. It wasn’t really gaping at all, but it was lacking. Because your thoughts are elsewhere, it’s just that way and you can’t do anything about it. While the Superbowl wasn’t the best, it was completely secondary to where my mind was on Sunday. I guess that shows how much more I cared about Philip Seymour Hoffman than Seattle, Denver, Bruno Mars, or the Red Hot Chili Peppers. There’s a time for everything, and spending time to remember a creative person who has impacted my life took precedence during that whole day.

Creative people are prone to depression. I wouldn’t say that I ever get too down, but with each project that I finish, there is a slight sense of loss, and that usually brings me down for a bit. It’s never anything too long, but it’s very noticeable. When i finished “188”, the very fact that I wouldn’t be cobbling those stories together anymore was akin to saying goodbye to a friend that you wouldn’t see for awhile. But you get over it, and I did. Where one book ended, six more sprang up in its place and now there’s creative juices flying all over the place, especially as I near toward the end of “Clapping” and get to really edit it down to the book I want it to be.

These are scattered thoughts and I appreciate you going with me here as I blurt out these things. I’m grateful you’re out there and I can’t wait to share all the stories I have to tell in the next long while. I love being a writer and a creative person, and I love the people that have come into my life in the last few years that make it absolutely all worth it. But now it’s a little dim until we all get onto the next part of our lives in going forward.


Avik Gilboa


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Posted February 5, 2014 by Andrew Flynn in category "Blog

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